He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When did angry sex become our thing?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
