I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
