it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I am midnight drunk by noon
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
