I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
