Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i now understand why vodka
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
