I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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