just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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