it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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