actually, I'm a sock model
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize