I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
