Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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