i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
