She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
