I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
