just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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