Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
