We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
