She kept screaming "best case scenario"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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