Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
