If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
