There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
