I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize