I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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