Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
