my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
