Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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