I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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