i need an iv and a liver transplant
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
