I'm really into asian looking animals
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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