im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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