Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
