I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
