margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
