i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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