It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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