Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
