Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My life is pants optional.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
