My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
