You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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