I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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