um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
