I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
