I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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