Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
