I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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