I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
