I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
