You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
