Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
