"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
