do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
