you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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