that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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