Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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