It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
