you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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