Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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