i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
