i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
