So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
