I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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