OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think your dad took our porno
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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