how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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