It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
