Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
