so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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