Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize