Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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