I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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