when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
